"My life is a dark room. One big dark room."

R.I.P. to the King of Pop..

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 00:09:01 GMT

I can not believe that Michael Jackson has passed away. I grew up listening to Michael Jackson's music and wishing I could dance just like him, much like many other people. He was truly an amazing performer. Even with all the controversy that has surrounded him that doesn't take away from the fact that he was one of the BEST Artists in the history of music and the loved by so many.

I feel like I have lost a pretty decent part of my love for music because of his death. He was such a huge part of it, but I will never for the rest of my life forget what a huge part he did play.

There will never, EVER be any artist to even come close to how talented he was. Michael Jackson, you will be truly missed. R.I.P.

RIP Farrah Fawcett.

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 19:02:59 GMT

You will always be one of the most Beautiful women in the world! You were such a strong woman and I will always appreciate and respect you for that.

You will be truly missed Ms. Fawcett. <3

"Here's looking at you kid"

Sat, 20 Jun 2009 06:14:43 GMT

Just when you thought life couldn't get more boring it does! I am literally laying on my bed staring at my ceiling. My ceiling that used to have those glow in the dark stars but doesn't anymore..

It really makes me sad that I'm not doing anything with my life. Its not like I don't want too but its kind of hard to do anything fun or exciting when you don't have money because to have money means to have a job and I still don't have one of those.

I've become so bitter and angry and I don't know why. I've become accustom to sitting around and doing nothing so much that when someone asks me to hang out I say no and then complain I have nothing to do *smacks forehead* but I mean again its not like I can go out because I have no money to do so.

Not only have I become bitter and angry I have also become very stressed out which sucks even more then being angry because the stress is giving me panic attacks every now and then, which by the way are fucking scary as hell!

The only thing at the moment that I am looking forward to is having my best friend come back to NYC and actually living here for an extended amount of time until he leaves me again lol which I'm going to try very hard not to let happen because I miss him so much and I hate not having him around.

On a lighter note I am still obsessed with Star Trek and I am still planning on seeing it for a 3rd time. Even if I have to go by myself! I don't care I need to see it again! lol. My mom told me the other day "just wait until it comes out on dvd and you can watch it whenever you want." I looked at her with the evil eye and said "do you not realize it won't come out on dvd for another 4 or 5 months?!? I can't wait that long!!!!" lol sorry but this girl needs to see it again ASAP! Haha. I tried to find a decent copy online but let's face it, it wouldn't be the same...sigh lol.

True Blood started last Sunday! Ahh my Sundays finally have meaning again! Haha. I'm just so happy to see Eric Northman (Alexander Skarsgård), who is by far the sexiest bad boy vampire ever! Haha. I just love that freaking show! The books are even better! If you are looking for a good series to read you should definitely read The Sookie Stackhouse series! I promise you won't be disappointed. But its not your standard vampire series, its much, much more then that! And its definitely not like Twilight at all! So if you were turned off by Twilight this will turn you right back on haha. I think I may like this series better then Twilight. I know I definitely like the TV show better then the damn movie lol.

Speaking of Twilight...New Moon better be freaking fantastic or I swear I will punch someone in the throat! lol. If I have to sit through another piece of crap movie I don't know what I will do with myself lol. The new trailer didn't disappoint me, I was actually excited after watching it but then I realized I got the same way after seeing the Twilight trailer for the first time and I think we all know how I felt after seeing the movie and not being as excited lol. OH! Rob Pattinson is filming his new movie 'Remember Me' in NYC! I am yet to go and check it out but I will definitely be doing that before he leaves. But I do promise I will not be like those girls who attacked him in the street the first day of filming or the girls who almost got him hit by a taxi! They are just crazy ass bitches haha.

I wanted to start writing a screenplay but I have no good ideas! The minute I decided I wanted to put my time and effort into something my dreams just started to become so boring! I usually have these really awesome/weird dreams that would make a good story but I've gotten nothing useful out of them lately which just pisses me off! Ugh!

You know what I've just realized the weather we have been having here in NYC doesn't help my mood either. Its been cloudy, rainy, muggy and just all around crap weather for like the past 4 weeks! During those 4 weeks we probably had about a weeks worth of nice weather! It freaking blows!

I wish I was in Florida or really anywhere far away from here. Soo sick of NYC.

Omg! I totally forgot to mention the hot new neighbor I'm going to have!! Haha. So a few days ago I heard the owner of the building talking to these two dudes in the hallway so being the nosey Puerto Rican that I am I went to listen and look through the peep hole lol. As I was doing so the guy who's moving upstairs from me happened to be going up to the apt. and all I can say is that he's a cutie! And he looks like he's in his middle to maybe late twenties, has black hair and is tall. That's all I could gather from looking through a peep hole lol but don't worry I'll be sure to get a good look when he moves in next month! I'll be knocking on his door with some fresh baked cookies! Haha yeah right! With my luck he'll either be gay or have a girlfriend lol.

Is it just me or is this entry bipolar?!? lol seriously I go from sad and angry to excited! Haha. Oh wells.

With that I think I am done with my ranting. Thanks for tuning in! Haha. Ugh I'm such a dork.

Can't say goodbye without a quote!

"The best way out is through." - Robert Frost.

No subject...seriously lol.

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 04:53:51 GMT

Just an FYI Russell Brand = crazy, but hilarious British dude lol. Also kind of sexy even with his crazy ass hair haha.

Ughhhhhhh!

Thu, 21 May 2009 05:32:42 GMT

The Mets need to stop playing like shit and step their game up! This is insane. This really isn't the year for the Mets. Delgado is on the DL, Reyes left the game early today and he was out for like 3 games before that and he may wind up on the DL. The Mets are just falling apart! Therefore Melissa is falling apart.

Sigh.......... =/

One Tree Hill quote.

Wed, 20 May 2009 04:19:10 GMT

So this was the final quote from last nights One Tree Hill and as always its great!

Mouth: Take a look at yourself in a mirror who do you see looking back?
Haley: Is it the person you want to be?
Dan: Or is there someone else you were meant to be? The person you were meant to be but fell short of?
Mia: Is someone telling you you can’t or won’t? Because you can.
Chase: Believe that love is out there.
Nathan: Believe that dreams come true every day. Because they do.
Peyton: Sometimes happiness doesn’t come from money or fame or power. Sometimes happiness comes from good friends and family and the quiet nobility of leading a good life.
Julian: Believe that dreams come true every day. Because they do.
Brooke: Believe that dreams come true every day. Because they do.
Peyton: So take a look in that mirror and remind yourself to be happy because you deserve to be. Believe that.
Lucas: And believe that dreams come true every day. Because they do.

This might sound crazy but whenever I'm confused about something in my life or I feel lost or down, this show always manages to lift my spirits every time when they have great quotes like that one.

I am devastated that Hilarie Burton and Chad Michael Murray aren't returning for the 7th season of One Tree Hill. All I have to say is that the show will never be the same without them. Especially for me since Peyton and Lucas are my favorite characters. Sigh =/

"Space is disease and danger wrapped in darkness and silence."

Mon, 18 May 2009 21:42:32 GMT

I am in love with Chris Pine lol. I should actually say that I have fallen in love with Chris Pine all over again ha.

I am officially in love with Star Trek lol. If you haven't seen Star Trek yet I suggest you get your ass to the movie theatre and go see it. Trust me you will not leave disappointed. It truly was AMAZING! Actually it was fantastic. Take it from me, I'm a movie buff and I haven't called a movie fantastic in a very long time. I actually can't remember the last time I said a movie was fantastic now that I think about it lol. Everything was great about it. The acting, the special effects, the script. EVERYTHING! Haha. Lots and lots of action, but it also had lots and lots of funny! Which is never a bad thing. Seriously, just go see it and if you don't like it...you have serious issues lol.

In other news my horoscope from last Tuesday was kind of interesting: "Love is nontangible. Its an emotion that grabs at your heartstrings when someone wonderful taps on your shoulder or crosses your path. If you've recently had a disappointment and have sworn off love, then that could change in an instant because love is on the horizon. For those who are already happily arm-in-arm with their sweetheart, life can get even sweeter." I thought this was quite interesting. I'm hoping that its actually true and going to happen haha.

I decided to go to graduation next week. Not because I want too but because my parents really want me to go and I know it will make them happy sooo as much as I don't want to go I'm going for them. I think this is an "awww" moment haha. My friend who I've known since I started at BMCC decided not to go and I'm kind of sad about that because it would of been cool to graduate together since we started together but tra la la.

This swine flu thing is starting to get even more scarier here in NYC. Another school in Queens had a case of the flu and therefore closed its doors. This time it happened in Flushing, Queens and that's where my cousin lives with her family, but it wasn't the school her son goes too which is great! Its really scary. This is something that Nostradamus predicated and everything he has predicated has come true. Do you believe whatever he has said to be true? Or just coincidence? I happen to believe its true, but hoping that some of it isn't.

Can't wait for the new Taking Back Sunday album to come out in a few weeks! YAY! I love them oh so much.

Ok I just got a really bad headache and I'm going to go lay down =/

Live long and prosper...LOL. =]

"What is necessary is never unwise." - Sarek

............

Thu, 14 May 2009 18:00:25 GMT

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

That is all.

For once they might actually be right.

Tue, 05 May 2009 07:26:33 GMT

I went to a neurologist twice and the last time I went he said that he thinks what I may be having (the dizzy spells) may have to do with anxiety. So apparently about 2 hours ago I had a panic attack. After I had it I went and looked online and all the signs of a panic attack and what I feel are the same things. Ugh. One doctor says it could be vertigo and the other says anxiety. Is it possible to have both? Because I have the same signs for both or is it that doctors just suck and clearly whatever is wrong with me really can't ever be found?? Ugh FML.

Now I can't sleep so I'm just laying in bed and watching friends. Just when I thought I was doing 100% better this happens..why can't I ever win?

Sigh....

...

Sun, 05 Apr 2009 00:45:50 GMT

So the past 2 months have been pretty crazy and not crazy in a good way. I've been to the hospital 3 times in less then 2 months. That's not counting the times I’ve gone to the hospital to visit my grandfather. But me alone I’ve been in the emergency room 3 times. First time I went it was because I was having trouble breathing (which I still am) and they ran a whole bunch of tests and everything came back fine, so I left the hospital not knowing what the hell was wrong with me. Second time I went was because my heart was beating fast, I was getting tingles all over my body, fluttering in my heart, couldn't breathe, etc. So I basically sit in a chair for like 2 1/2 hours waiting for a doctor to come and see me and when he does he said I was having heart palpitations. After that I met with my primary doctor and she had me do 2 tests, an echocardiogram and a halter monitor test. Which both came back normal, as well as all my blood work. That was like a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders finding out that all I did actually have were heart palpitations (which still isn't cool) but I was just to hear it wasn't anything serious. The 3rd time I went to the hospital was two Sundays ago. I had one of my dizzy spells that I get at least a few times a year. I haven't had one since last Aug. and out of no where I get one. To make a long story short my doctor thinks that I may have vertigo. She wants me to see a neurologist and have tests done for it. Which would be another huge lift off my shoulders if it is vertigo because two years ago I had all these freaking tests done and not ONE doctor ever said anything about vertigo. It was funny that my doctor had mentioned it because I was looking up stuff on WebMD and I came upon vertigo. I went back to the site after I went to see my doctor and I really do have all the symptoms of vertigo. Down to the T! So I'm hoping that's what it is so I can finally know the reason to what it is I've been having for well over 6 years now.

Enough about health lol.

I'm hoping to go back to school in the fall *crosses fingers*. I really miss school.. believe it or not. I feel that being out of school is slowly making me stupid lol. I was also thinking I might just go back to BMCC to take a few extra classes to bring up my GPA a bit and just apply for the Spring. Which I'm most likely going to be ending up doing. Maybe take a summer class and then take like one or two classes in the fall. We shall see.

Two weeks ago a friend of mine had a small JHS reunion. It was quite fun. I had a really good time and saw a few people who I haven't seen in a really long time. Some of them I haven't seen since we has graduated and that was going on 10 years! Damn I feel old haha. Anywhoo we all went out to dinner and a few of us went out afterwards, which was SO much fun! One of the people who went out was Robbie. I had the biggest crush on him in JHS lol. It wasn't healthy at all lol. He really hasn't changed much. He's still super funny, nice and of course HOT! LOL. The good thing was that I didn't turn in to a 13 year old girl again, by that I mean shy, quite and could never ever speak to him lol because that's how I was in JHS. We flirted a little bit and talked a whole lot, which was nice. At the end of the night we were all deciding how to head on home. I wasn't going to waste money on a cab since I was only a few stops away from where I was in the city. My other friends decided to take a cab because they were further away but they were also going in the direction of where Robbie lived so they sais that they should all take a cab together. He said no because he didn't want to let me take the train home alone even if it was a few stops away........ =] haha I know I'm such a loser but I couldn't help but smile when he said that. It was really sweet of him to do that because he lives in Sheepshead and that's far from where we were. But I really appreciated him doing that because I have some guy friends who wouldn't do that. I really hope I'll see him again soon! I'd hate to lose contact with him again. I mean we did exchange numbers but like I'm a loser and I'm all nervous to call him to hang out lol.

I need a fucking job! I hate not working or going to school! Its seriously the worst thing ever. Sitting around watching movies and reading is not always fun...trust me.

My back is killing me! It hasn't hurt this much in forever. If I wasn't so scared to go under the knife again I would totally have all the screws and the rods removed so I wouldn't have to go through all this pain...but then I remember how hard it was for me before and after and I don't think I could go through it all over again. I just couldn't...I'm not strong enough. I do wish I had that morphine again though haha.

I still haven't found my Lucas Scott lol. In other words I have yet to meet a decent guy. No shock there. Tra la la. OH! Funny story so Anthony is apparently engaged to some girl he barely knows! I swear that dude has serious problems, he falls in love with girls in like a day and then marries them LOL. Its so strange but whatever! He's so weird lol.

Life is boring. I hate NYC. I want to leave so bad. Ugh. I'm spent.

"Life should be lived so vividly and so intensely that thoughts of another life, or of a longer life, are not necessary." - Marjory Stoneman Douglas

shit!!

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 05:46:04 GMT

I just wrote a whole fucking entry and lost it all....I guess it just wasn't meant to be written! ughhh.

I only have this to say....

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 06:05:25 GMT

KATE WINSLET FINALLY WON A FREAKING OSCAR!!!!!!! =]

Oooh boy.

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 18:05:33 GMT

I seriously need to stop dreaming about a certain cute English boy named Todd because its not healthy...its not healthy at all lol. Ughh! Why can't he just live in NYC? Why did he have to move to Canada? lol. Well it is a hell of a lot closer then London! Haha.

Sigh. I'm such a loser lol.

Just an FYI I seriously need to get out of NY soon or I think I may actually lose it. A trip to Canada sounds good, eh? Haha.

And now for the quote of the day:
“Believe nothing, no matter where you read it or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.” – Buddha

Well said Buddha, well said. =]

Mon, 12 Jan 2009 06:02:50 GMT

First things first...Happy New Year!

So yes it is 2009 and like every new year that begins it begins as shitty as the last. Does that happen to anyone else? Their year just always starts off crappy and stays that way for awhile? I hate that!

Life is so boring.

Hmm the only exciting thing is that I did finish at BMCC!! Finally. The crappy thing is that I'm not 100% set on where I'm going to go for school. I still really want to go to Full Sail but there is no way in hell that's going to happen anymore, which truly and utterly sucks because I want to get the hell out of NYC, but of course I'm stuck here. Yay!...Not. Since I'm going to be in NY for school I'm hoping to go to Brooklyn College for film because that's probably one of the best schools in NYC for film. I looked up the program for film and I loved it! It really had a lot of good classes. The only thing I was kind of upset about was that your can't major in let's say film production and then minor in film studies, which I wanted to do but you can take as many classes as you want! Which then made me happy haha.

What else...Oh! Funny story my cousin thought I was a lesbian lol. So she basically asked me if I had a boyfriend and I said no. She then asked me if I was talking to anyone and I again said no. Then she says to me "are you a secret lesbian or something? Because if your are that's ok because I have a lot of gay friends." Hahaha! I thought it was quite funny. My cousin is the type of person who has always been in a relationship and whatever and I'm not that person. I don't need to have a boyfriend to make myself feel better or to feel happy and I just feel that that's the type of person she is and its kind of sad that anyone would need a man in their life to make them feel better about themselves because if you aren't happy with yourself or love yourself no one else will ever be able to do those things. Do I wish had a boyfriend? Sometimes because I miss having someone around to hug or kiss and etc. But I haven't found anyone that I feel would be a good boyfriend, no one has really proved to me that they would be a good guy. Hopefully this year I'll meet a guy who will prove to me that there are decent men out there and their not all assholes. Hey! Maybe i'll meet an Edward Cullen! Or maybe I'll just meet Rob Pattinson! Haha a girl can dream =]

I need to find a job! I know its going to be like crazy hard to find one but on craigslist I found a bunch the other day applied to like 6 different jobs, qualified for all of them and then nothing! Ugh! I'm going to become a stripper and make my money that way lol! No way in hell i'd ever do that but its just an idea, a back up plan if you will lol.

Heath Ledger won a golden globe tonight, just thought i'd add that. He truly deserved it for his role in The Dark Knight because he was amazing as The Joker. Its still such a shame that he is gone. I agree with what Christopher Nolan said he truly will be missed in the film industry but he will never be forgotten for what he contributed to it.

Oh! And Kate Winslet won 2 golden globes!!!! Oh boy did she deserve them. She is such an amazing actress, one of the best these days. I was so happy for her, its about time she won..FINALLY! I just wish Leonardo DiCaprio would of won =/ he's another actor who has yet to win and truly, truly deserves too.

I swear my life mostly consists of movies. I need to make new friends haha.

Well since I have bored you with my boring life lol I shall be off. I may go and continue reading Twilight for the 3rd time haha. I know what your thinking "loser!" But guess what? I care not haha.

But before I'm off here is a quote:
"Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible." – Cadet Maxim

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 05:42:10 GMT

My horoscope from Tuesday:

Here is your single's love horoscope for Tuesday, December 16:

Think of the bigger picture today when it comes to your quest for true love.
Just because things don't work out with one person, that doesn't mean you're
doomed to a life of dating disasters. Everybody is different in how they love
and live. Go on to the next person until you find the one for you.

I am me.

Sun, 07 Dec 2008 04:05:52 GMT

“I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it -- I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know -- but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.” - Virginia Satir

twilight!

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 03:46:11 GMT

If only I could...

Mon, 15 Sep 2008 03:05:12 GMT

...just pick up and leave.

crap!

Sat, 16 Aug 2008 16:59:44 GMT

Men are complete crap! Forget assholes. They are shit! Ugh I seriously don't think I am ever going to find a guy who I can ever trust 100%. Between someone who I thought was sincere, to someone who lead me on, to someone who cheated on me and to having guy friends who cheat on their girlfriends just proves to me even more that I can't trust any guy ever in a relationship. I don't think its possible. I will never understand why the hell men and women like to cheat. If you can't or don't like to be in relationships then don't be in one!

Anyways! The olympics have been on so that had put me in the best mood I have been in in awhile! Michael Phelps is just amazing! 7 gold medals! Tied with Mike Spitz for most gold medals in one olympic games! He's going for his 8th and final medal of the games! Ugh he has to win! The team has to do wonders and kick ass! Haha. The whole swimming team has done really great. Makes me want to be a swimmer. Kind of always wanted to be but tra la la.

School starts in 2 weeks! Where the hell did summer go!? Its been another shitty summer for Melissa, but at least its my last semester at BMCC! YAY! Graduating in January.

Sigh life is boring. I need to get a hobby lol. I need to find a new job but no one wants to freaking higher me!

Going on a mini vacation next week. Should be fun. Hopefully it will. Gonna be in PA. I know i've been there soo many times before but were spending like a week out there. Going to places and blah blah. I just want to go on some roller coasters! Haha.

I'm so boring! lol. I'm done. But not without a quote!

“You can't put a limit on anything. The more you dream, the farther you get.” - Michael Phelps

heath ledger <3

Sat, 26 Jul 2008 05:13:36 GMT

"People always feel compelled to sum you up, to presume that they have you and can describe you. That's fine. But there are many stories inside of me and a lot I want to achieve outside of one flat note." - Heath Ledger <3

How great is that quote? I really love it. Ugh its such a shame that he passed away. He will truly always be missed. =/

Interesting..

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 18:52:44 GMT

Here is your single's love horoscope for Thursday, June 19:

The past is best kept out of the present. But if you want to avoid relationship mistakes in the future at least remember lessons learned. Your heart will thank you.

Already being done by staying away from guys haha. Except guys that are vampires...like Edward Cullen. I know I have a problem lol.

</3

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 01:59:54 GMT

Ugh. I miss the crap out of him.

the dark clouds are beginning to fade.

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 01:52:30 GMT

I've been pretty down lately and friday I just kind of lost it and let it all out and I realized how very unhappy I am here. I spoke with my parents and I told them how I've been feeling and I know it broke their hearts....but its the truth. I really am not happy here. I hate it here actually. I sometimes feel like I have no one and most of the time its true. Ugh I just feel so crappy..this past weekend was just so bad. I just cried most of the weekend. Until I realized what's the one thing that can most likely make everything better....and that is to leave ny. And that is exactly what I plan on doing next year. I've decided for real this time that I AM going to full sail next year after bmcc. I need to experience something different and meet new people and to start doing things for myself and stop holding myself back from things that I know will make me happy and not be scared by new experiences. So yeah that's that and I'm super excited and can't wait!

Umm I'm back in school again! Tee hee. I'm not really hating it which is good haha. Taking bio and no hot guys in my class which sucks but what are you gonna do? Lol. But after this all I need is 3 more classes and then I'm done YAY! Ugh I'm so excited to be done at bmcc.

I spoke to my friend Kris today, he's in Iraq and he called me this morning =] it was so great to hear from him. We've been sending emails back and forth but its always better to hear their voice. Anywhoo he seems to be doing good. He's still the same crazy ass Kris lol that kid will never change I swear. Oh! Good news is he's going to be moving back to Brooklyn next year! YAY! Bad news is he had to re enlist and he's gonna be coming next Jan. to NY. When I'm leaving NY he's coming back to live! Wtf!? Haha. But the good thing about all of this besides that, he won't have to deploy anywhere again which is great!! And besides he said he'd come visit me in Florida! So that makes me excited knowing that he would and he'd probably be the only one to come visit besides my family lol. Don't really think anyone else would but tra la la.

Its been so fucking hot the past few days ugh it sucks soo bad. I almost passed out today coming home...no joke! Soo damn hot today and tomorrow its gonna be just as bad. I need to move to alaska or something cause I can't deal with this shit haha. How the hell am I going to survive in florida!? Lol. Well actually I'll be in air conditioner most of the day since I'll be around film equipment soo its really not that bad lol.

I've been getting such bad headaches lately and nothing seems to help =/

I should be studying for my bio test tomorrow but I'm not lol. I'm the worst when it comes to studying. I don't like to study but it works for me soo I must be doing something right haha.

I need to find a boy to have fun with this summer lol.

And with that I am done =]

i love looking at the clouds and seeing different shapes <3

Tue, 06 May 2008 17:30:26 GMT

I like a boy. I wish I didn't like that boy, but I can't help it! I feel like if I keep thinking the way that I think and keep feeling the way that I feel towards boys...I don't think I'm ever going to find "the right boy". As much as I say I have given up hope, I sometimes believe that there are some or one good guy out there. I mean yeah ok, most guys are assholes but to be honest everyone has a little asshole in them lol. I mean I sure as hell do. I just think that everyone chooses to use their asshole-ness in different ways, as weird as that sounds! I mean ok some guys use it to be assholes to girls, some girls use it to be assholes to guys and some people are assholes because damn it! Sometimes they just wanna be because their pissed at something or someone lol. If I go on thinking that all guys are jerks and assholes I'm never going to meet one who isn't. But I think its to late for me. I ruined it for myself and for the possibility of "that guy" who may be out there because of guys from my past. I don't think that's fair to myself or to that person. I guess the real question is...how do we know who's real and who's fake? How do we know, when what we thought was real turned out to be a lie? How do we know if its real when we have this set mind thinking that all guys are shit and are going to hurt us in the end no matter what?

Eh. I want to believe that there are some good guys out there, I really really do. I think this guy could be one of those guys. But i've said that before about someone and turned out he wasn't. I can't blame the whole guys being asshole theory on why I don't want to try. I have other reasons. One being that he's really into his job, and I'm 100% for doing something you love and whatnot. But right now for him I think his job is what's important and he's not looking for a relationship. Neither am I for that matter, but it would be nice to date haha. I don't know what to do. I kind of want to keep trying and see where it goes and I kind of want to give up now. But tra la la I guess we shall see what happens, if anything happens at that.

I hate being sick! It sucks major ass! Lol. I keep seeing ice cream truck pass by I want some now!! =]

I signed up for classes!! YAY! I'm so excited to get back to school, although I know once I get back I'm going to be like "fuck school I hate it." Haha. But it will be my last semester at BMCC soo that's exciting. Don't know what I'll be doing after that though. Hopefully Florida :crosses fingers:

I'm flipping hungry! I wish these people would get out of their meeting so I can eat and not wait for the phone to ring....which its rang a total of maybe 10 times today. If that!! I hate this place. I need a job at Barnes & Noble lol. I want a job there soo bad =/ YAY!! They came out I can eat now! Haha.

=P

work sucks!

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 15:06:54 GMT

I love my new phone! I'm writing this entry from my phone! How awesome? Haha. I <3 my blackberry curve lol I'm such a loser!

Anywhoo some of my fam is here from florida and my aunt from texas...while I'm stuck at my crappy job on such a beautiful day!! My cousins baby shower is tomorrow should be fun! Another baby cousin for me! YAY!! Oh man I love babies.I want one now, like right now hahaha.I swear I can't wait till I have my own little one!

Its been soo pretty out this week! Spring weather has finally arrivied!

So lately I've been thinking a lot about boys and relationships and how crappy my whole dating life has been. Its just you would think with all the jerks I've met and how the last 3 I've dated turned out to be or how they hurt me and blah blah you would think I would know who were the good and bad ones. But I mean how am I supposed to know which are the good ones when i've lost all hope in finding the "right guy"? or "the good guy"? I've seriously lost all hope. I don't believe that any guys are good ones anymore. I was listening to my friend talk about him and his girlfriend the other day and he tells me that he can't see himself staying fateful to his girlfriend now or when they get married because he said he doesn't think he can be able to be with one woman for the rest of his life because having sex with the same person gets boring. When he said that to me the first words out of my mouth were "wow you are such an asshole!" He laughed it off and asked me "oh so you mean to tell me your not going to get bored having sex with the same person all the time and blah blah?" I said no. Because seriously people in this generation need to stop thinking that sex is everything in a realationship. Its like what the hell happened to romance and love? I mean yeah sex is good in a relationship don't get me wrong, especially if its with someone you really care about and love but sex isn't everything! Eh it just makes me mad is all. You know even though I've said I've given up hope doesn't mean that I don't sometimes wonder if maybe somewhere out there, there is a good one out there who's not going to break my heart, but treat my heart right. Maybe mend my heart as cheesy as that sounds lol. I say I've given up all hope but I'm such a romantic that there's still that piece of me that believes I'll find him one day.

Do you wanna hear something crazy that I was thinking about the other day? I was talking to someone I can't remember who lol but we were talking about guys and why I gave up looking. Whoever it was that I was talking to said maybe you already met that person and maybe it didn't work out but maybe it will later on. The first person who came to mind was Will. I know, I know haha. But like I honestly thought that was going to stick. I honestly thought he was "the one" I still do sometimes because that's the last time I can remember being truly happy. Eh it was just such bad timing with him going off to RI for school and me stuck here and still in HS. I really do believe that if I went to JWU or if we worked harder on our relationship and didn't give up so fast we would still be together. But tra la la what are you gonna do? I just miss having him in my life. I miss having him as my friend. He was the only person whoever really knew me and got me so well and it just sucks not having a person like that in your life.

Ok ok I need to change the subject lol. Oh!!! So I wrote about Todd a few years back. He was the hot guy from London that I met through fairoze. Anywhoo we really clicked when we met and stuff. Anyways I spoke to him yesterday and he said that he's most likely going to be coming to NY in Dec. I got excited...don't ask me why lol but yeah he's really cool people and so so yummy.

Aww my family just made my day! They walked by my office and came to say hi! Awww wow that made me happy. I swear I have the best family ever! <3 ehh now I'm sad cause they left lol. But were supposed to be going out later for drinks so that should be fun! Hopefully the drinks won't bring out the angry side of my mom or anyone lol. Only because there has been some problems between my mom, cousin and aunt. But tra la la.

Ok my fingers hurt from typing all of this haha. I'm done. Off to doing nothing at work lol.

Ciao!

“True love doesn't come to you, it has to be inside you.” - Julia Roberts